The sky was gray from mid-Autumn rain, matching the mood of unhappiness on the desolate Women’s street. Trash filled the street; stray dogs roamed, barking at all passers-bye. The Women who sat smoking, spoke in hushed tones whenever someone walked by. They barely murmured, “Good-day ‘Mama” to the shivering but well-dressed woman walking from her home on the street to her work. The woman usually took no notice of the street Women, though according to the council they were all the same. Council actions were usually the topic of conversation, such as the newly mandated curfew. This was not new however, the government now allowing only black and white photographs in order to appreciate everyone equally. The street Women often spoke glowingly of the Council wise decisions to help better the community.
Alice was not the type to add in with her thoughts. Whenever she was addressed by one of the street-Woman she would usually just ignor them. She passed a group of Woman who were in the midst a conversation.
“You her ‘bout Lucy?” said a Woman who was braiding a little Girl’s hair. “She gone an’ ‘dung disappeared!” she exclaimed yanking some of the Girl’s hair.
“I tell her, sing’n ain’t no good. But she like she is,” replied a younger Woman then coughed up a cigarette piece.
“It would be best if ya’ll shut yo’ mouth. Den, people wouldn’ be a disappeari’!” Chimed in another young Woman.
"Yer’ a right,” said the braiding hair lady, “I just gonna be- shut up…nnnnow!” And all the woman stopped talking. Alice rolled her eyes and kept straight ahead to the Engineer department. Alice didn't like to talk like they did and the only reason she had eased dropped was because she heard the word “disappear”.
“How dare you!” Tom screamed with the fire of his belongings behind him. More police trooped outside with boxes full of pictures and toys of my brother’s childhood.
“Time and time again Tom, our Council has told you, ‘no whistling’,” said the sing-songy voice of the officer’s voice. I had to look away as they pushed him into the car. In the safety of my room I knew it was okay to cry. So I clutched the final picture of my brother before handing it to a officer. Thus burning my last memory of Tom.
Normally people did not work. A stable job was not needed after the Council eliminated money ‘for the people to sleep with out worrying when the next inflation will be’. Alice however, still went to work. There was a Man who Alice deeply appreciated. From the first time when the Man came up to her, their eyes met and she learned his name was Kurt, Alice had felt a sensation that confused her. When their hands touched, when he spoke to her, even when Kurt wasn’t with her, Alice had these feelings. Of course since these were not normal feelings Alice never spoke of them.
Kurt had been working with Alice for 5 years and over that time they had found a new type of element. It was very thing and shined with the light. They decided to name it Glowery, because it glowed with the light.
When Alice came to her cubical she say Kurt sitting in her office chair, trembling with excitement.
“I have an idea,” he said as soon as she was in ear shot.
“What?” Alice asked, feeling the sensation.
“Glowery can shine light back but I think it can do more! All we have to do is mold a bunch of pieces together,” before Alice had time to reply Kurt had gotten up from his chair and was already on the way to the lab room. So she had no choice but to follow him.
The lab room was empty and the white walls made it feel as if it was smaller than it was. To Alice’s relief the lab room was empty and to ensure their privacy Kert locked
the door. Kert took the bag that contained Gimminy out from his coat. Gimminy looked like small shards of silver but much thinner and a little darker. But, what they looked like did not interest Kert or Alice; it was what they did. When the light came down from the ceiling fan the Gimminy shown it back. What Kert was longing to know was, what would happen when they added all of the small pieces of Gimminy together to make it one big mass. They started with fire. Taking a torch they fused the shards together and in a thirty minutes they had a perfect patch of Gimminy. The effect of the fuse what just what they had hoped for. Now they could see the image of the fan. Alice’s heart thumped, for she knew she and Kert were thinking the same thing. Alice placed her shaking hand on the table,
“Kert...”
“You go first, Alice,” he said, walking behind her. Alice placed her hand on the Gimminy and raised it to her face. For the first time in her life, Alice saw herself. She saw her bright hair and her light sky-colored eyes, but could not find a name to bring to her lips. As she tilted the Gimminy back and forth she noticed the proportions of her body. As she brought the Gimminy back to her face she saw that water was coming out of her eyes. “Look,” Alice sniffed, “I can see myself.” Kert’s eyes widened and he reached for the Gimminy. He laughed from astonishment as he felt his hair, which was much darker than Alice’s. When they were through they sat down to give this thing a proper name. They came up with, Mirror.
Alice knew the mirror had to be a secret from the Council. She didn’t know why she thought this, but something was telling her that if the Council found out about the mirror, it would mean the end. Of what, she didn’t know. So, at 7:00 p.m., Kert and Alice walked out into the street as if nothing had happened that day. They had decided it was best for them to share the mirror and switch every week. Alice was the one to start of with it and she headed home with the mirror covered by her trench coat. When she arrived home she immediately locked her doors and closed her windows then set up the mirror by her bed.
She didn’t know how long she looked at herself but she did wake up to find the mirror resting on her chest. Everyday was like this. Alice would come home and just stare at herself. When her week was done she would go about her regular chores and work related papers. But once Kert gave her the mirror back, all she would do was look at herself. She mainly looked at her body and the way her skin looked when she bent it, or various positions. Something was wrong with her face too, Alice thought. But she could never quite put her finger on it.
This would be the 5th week Alice had the mirror and she was now getting very interested in her face. Not only was it a different color than her skin, it was much harder to move than the rest of her body. For example, she could easily curl her body in a ball but when she tried to do different facial expressions nothing would show up. After about three days of attempting to smile Alice got close to the mirror to examine her face. Alice ran across her cheeks and when she reached her hairline her fingers touched something strange. She could barely tell it was there but for the small indents and knots by her ears. As she brought the mirror closer to her head she saw that it was string! Alice felt the string over and over again to make sure she wasn’t delirious. She wasn’t. Her heart was pounding, her head throbbing. How could this be? Instantly Alice raced to the kitchen in search for a knife. As soon as she found her switch knife Alice raced back to her room. It was very difficult for her to find a loose end to the string and she was an afraid she would have to cut her head. Alas, that was the only solution. Alice made a short cut by her ear, wincing at the pain. Blood was beginning to gush out of the wound; Alice knew she would have to work fast. She quickly grabbed a hold of a loose end of the string and cut it. Then she grabbed the next stitch and cut that one. Blood was beginning to cover her head and it was getting hard to see what she was doing. Alice stopped and got up to get a washrag. She would have to wait until tomorrow to finish the job. As she bandaged her head Alice realized that maybe what she was doing was a big mistake. What if this really was her face-skin and she was ruining it! Alice felt sick, how could she have been so stupid!
“This is just a dream,” she murmured to herself as she climbed into bed
The next morning Alice woke and felt that her head had stopped bleeding. She rose and immediately looked in the mirror. A thread lay hanging from the place where she last cut it. Might as well finish what you started Alice thought to herself. She took the switchblade and started to cut again. This time, no blood was involved and it was quite easier. Before long all of the thread had fallen into a small pile of shreds. Alice’s hands were shaking as she rose what used to be her face, off. When she looked in the mirror she let out a scream! Then she fell faint.
When she woke Alice got a grip of herself. She looked in the mirror again this time, bracing herself for what she would see. What she say was the same color skin as her arms and legs. Her lips were not gray, but pink, an her nose was actually small and pointed. She felt this new face and was amazed at how smooth it was. She thought that she felt little hairs but she was too excited to look. Her cheeks had a sort of redness to them and her eyes had hairs that grew all around the edges of the lids. Alice was so entrapped by herself that she didn’t even hear the policeman come in.
“Woman Gutanstof, you are under arrest,” said a man with a deep voice.
Alice turned, petrified, “For what?” she asked.
“Woman, you just broke one of the most important laws,” said the officer. Alice couldn’t help but laugh, “We have laws! There is no need…” but she was cut off by a slap in the face.
“Do not talk when the time is inappropriate! Woman!” The officer kicking in the leg forcing her to fall on her bed knocking her head on the table next to her bed.
Days later, Alice woke in a dark room with only a small window. She felt her face and new stitches were placed, a long with a new “face”. She crawled to the edge of her cell.
“Is anyone there?” she yelled. The sound of footsteps came near her cell.
“Yes.” Said a man, who sounded to be in his late teens.
“Yes! Hello. My name is…”
“Did you call me hear to tell me you name, or did you have a question? Woman.” Said the guard.
“Yes I did.” said Alice fiercely.
“I am in jail, because I broke a law I don’t even know. What is that law?” The guards answer came straight a way, “You took off your mask…”
Is anything confusing?...please be brutally honest I want to know.
Notes: anything you want.
Is there anything I can add to make the story better?
I was wondering if you knew a way I could get through that everyone wore masks w/o actually saying everyone is wearing a mask. You see people are supposed to think that the mask is actually the skin on their face. I don't know how to portray that by making it sound like it's a normal thing....help.
Also, I don't like my ending (you took off your mask, but I want the ending sentence to have to do with the mask.
I AM NOT FINISHED! THIS IS LIKE THE VERY BEGINNING! I WILL HAVE MORE LATER!
Amanda- I love your story it is super cool and really clever!! :) I think if you just write the story as if the mask-wearing people are normal, don't say anything about the masks then at the end give an instance where you introduce the mask idea. Maybe a flash back. One of the older charcters telling Alice of when another girl took off the mask and what happened to her 50 years ago, or something like that. :) Otherwise, super cool job!
The sky was gray from mid-Autumn rain, matching the mood of unhappiness on the desolate Women’s street. Trash filled the street; stray dogs roamed, barking at all passers-bye. The Women who sat smoking, spoke in hushed tones whenever someone walked by. They barely murmured, “Good-day ‘Mama” to the shivering but well-dressed woman walking from her home on the street to her work. The woman usually took no notice of the street Women, though according to the council they were all the same. Council actions were usually the topic of conversation, such as the newly mandated curfew. This was not new however, the government now allowing only black and white photographs in order to appreciate everyone equally. The street Women often spoke glowingly of the Council wise decisions to help better the community.
Alice was not the type to add in with her thoughts. Whenever she was addressed by one of the street-Woman she would usually just ignor them. She passed a group of Woman who were in the midst a conversation.
“You her ‘bout Lucy?” said a Woman who was braiding a little Girl’s hair. “She gone an’ ‘dung disappeared!” she exclaimed yanking some of the Girl’s hair.
“I tell her, sing’n ain’t no good. But she like she is,” replied a younger Woman then coughed up a cigarette piece.
“It would be best if ya’ll shut yo’ mouth. Den, people wouldn’ be a disappeari’!” Chimed in another young Woman.
"Yer’ a right,” said the braiding hair lady, “I just gonna be- shut up…nnnnow!” And all the woman stopped talking. Alice rolled her eyes and kept straight ahead to the Engineer department. Alice didn't like to talk like they did and the only reason she had eased dropped was because she heard the word “disappear”.
“How dare you!” Tom screamed with the fire of his belongings behind him. More police trooped outside with boxes full of pictures and toys of my brother’s childhood.
“Time and time again Tom, our Council has told you, ‘no whistling’,” said the sing-songy voice of the officer’s voice. I had to look away as they pushed him into the car. In the safety of my room I knew it was okay to cry. So I clutched the final picture of my brother before handing it to a officer. Thus burning my last memory of Tom.
Normally people did not work. A stable job was not needed after the Council eliminated money ‘for the people to sleep with out worrying when the next inflation will be’. Alice however, still went to work. There was a Man who Alice deeply appreciated. From the first time when the Man came up to her, their eyes met and she learned his name was Kurt, Alice had felt a sensation that confused her. When their hands touched, when he spoke to her, even when Kurt wasn’t with her, Alice had these feelings. Of course since these were not normal feelings Alice never spoke of them.
Kurt had been working with Alice for 5 years and over that time they had found a new type of element. It was very thing and shined with the light. They decided to name it Glowery, because it glowed with the light.
When Alice came to her cubical she say Kurt sitting in her office chair, trembling with excitement.
“I have an idea,” he said as soon as she was in ear shot.
“What?” Alice asked, feeling the sensation.
“Glowery can shine light back but I think it can do more! All we have to do is mold a bunch of pieces together,” before Alice had time to reply Kurt had gotten up from his chair and was already on the way to the lab room. So she had no choice but to follow him.
The lab room was empty and the white walls made it feel as if it was smaller than it was. To Alice’s relief the lab room was empty and to ensure their privacy Kert locked
the door. Kert took the bag that contained Gimminy out from his coat. Gimminy looked like small shards of silver but much thinner and a little darker. But, what they looked like did not interest Kert or Alice; it was what they did. When the light came down from the ceiling fan the Gimminy shown it back. What Kert was longing to know was, what would happen when they added all of the small pieces of Gimminy together to make it one big mass. They started with fire. Taking a torch they fused the shards together and in a thirty minutes they had a perfect patch of Gimminy. The effect of the fuse what just what they had hoped for. Now they could see the image of the fan. Alice’s heart thumped, for she knew she and Kert were thinking the same thing. Alice placed her shaking hand on the table,
“Kert...”
“You go first, Alice,” he said, walking behind her. Alice placed her hand on the Gimminy and raised it to her face. For the first time in her life, Alice saw herself. She saw her bright hair and her light sky-colored eyes, but could not find a name to bring to her lips. As she tilted the Gimminy back and forth she noticed the proportions of her body. As she brought the Gimminy back to her face she saw that water was coming out of her eyes.
“Look,” Alice sniffed, “I can see myself.” Kert’s eyes widened and he reached for the Gimminy. He laughed from astonishment as he felt his hair, which was much darker than Alice’s. When they were through they sat down to give this thing a proper name. They came up with, Mirror.
Alice knew the mirror had to be a secret from the Council. She didn’t know why she thought this, but something was telling her that if the Council found out about the mirror, it would mean the end. Of what, she didn’t know. So, at 7:00 p.m., Kert and Alice walked out into the street as if nothing had happened that day. They had decided it was best for them to share the mirror and switch every week. Alice was the one to start of with it and she headed home with the mirror covered by her trench coat. When she arrived home she immediately locked her doors and closed her windows then set up the mirror by her bed.
She didn’t know how long she looked at herself but she did wake up to find the mirror resting on her chest. Everyday was like this. Alice would come home and just stare at herself. When her week was done she would go about her regular chores and work related papers. But once Kert gave her the mirror back, all she would do was look at herself. She mainly looked at her body and the way her skin looked when she bent it, or various positions. Something was wrong with her face too, Alice thought. But she could never quite put her finger on it.
This would be the 5th week Alice had the mirror and she was now getting very interested in her face. Not only was it a different color than her skin, it was much harder to move than the rest of her body. For example, she could easily curl her body in a ball but when she tried to do different facial expressions nothing would show up. After about three days of attempting to smile Alice got close to the mirror to examine her face. Alice ran across her cheeks and when she reached her hairline her fingers touched something strange. She could barely tell it was there but for the small indents and knots by her ears. As she brought the mirror closer to her head she saw that it was string! Alice felt the string over and over again to make sure she wasn’t delirious. She wasn’t. Her heart was pounding, her head throbbing. How could this be? Instantly Alice raced to the kitchen in search for a knife. As soon as she found her switch knife Alice raced back to her room. It was very difficult for her to find a loose end to the string and she was an afraid she would have to cut her head. Alas, that was the only solution. Alice made a short cut by her ear, wincing at the pain. Blood was beginning to gush out of the wound; Alice knew she would have to work fast. She quickly grabbed a hold of a loose end of the string and cut it. Then she grabbed the next stitch and cut that one. Blood was beginning to cover her head and it was getting hard to see what she was doing. Alice stopped and got up to get a washrag. She would have to wait until tomorrow to finish the job. As she bandaged her head Alice realized that maybe what she was doing was a big mistake. What if this really was her face-skin and she was ruining it! Alice felt sick, how could she have been so stupid!
“This is just a dream,” she murmured to herself as she climbed into bed
The next morning Alice woke and felt that her head had stopped bleeding. She rose and immediately looked in the mirror. A thread lay hanging from the place where she last cut it. Might as well finish what you started Alice thought to herself. She took the switchblade and started to cut again. This time, no blood was involved and it was quite easier. Before long all of the thread had fallen into a small pile of shreds. Alice’s hands were shaking as she rose what used to be her face, off. When she looked in the mirror she let out a scream! Then she fell faint.
When she woke Alice got a grip of herself. She looked in the mirror again this time, bracing herself for what she would see. What she say was the same color skin as her arms and legs. Her lips were not gray, but pink, an her nose was actually small and pointed. She felt this new face and was amazed at how smooth it was. She thought that she felt little hairs but she was too excited to look. Her cheeks had a sort of redness to them and her eyes had hairs that grew all around the edges of the lids. Alice was so entrapped by herself that she didn’t even hear the policeman come in.
“Woman Gutanstof, you are under arrest,” said a man with a deep voice.
Alice turned, petrified, “For what?” she asked.
“Woman, you just broke one of the most important laws,” said the officer. Alice couldn’t help but laugh, “We have laws! There is no need…” but she was cut off by a slap in the face.
“Do not talk when the time is inappropriate! Woman!” The officer kicking in the leg forcing her to fall on her bed knocking her head on the table next to her bed.
Days later, Alice woke in a dark room with only a small window. She felt her face and new stitches were placed, a long with a new “face”. She crawled to the edge of her cell.
“Is anyone there?” she yelled. The sound of footsteps came near her cell.
“Yes.” Said a man, who sounded to be in his late teens.
“Yes! Hello. My name is…”
“Did you call me hear to tell me you name, or did you have a question? Woman.” Said the guard.
“Yes I did.” said Alice fiercely.
“I am in jail, because I broke a law I don’t even know. What is that law?” The guards answer came straight a way,
“You took off your mask…”
Is anything confusing?...please be brutally honest I want to know.
Notes: anything you want.
Is there anything I can add to make the story better?
I was wondering if you knew a way I could get through that everyone wore masks w/o actually saying everyone is wearing a mask. You see people are supposed to think that the mask is actually the skin on their face. I don't know how to portray that by making it sound like it's a normal thing....help.
Also, I don't like my ending (you took off your mask, but I want the ending sentence to have to do with the mask.
I AM NOT FINISHED! THIS IS LIKE THE VERY BEGINNING! I WILL HAVE MORE LATER!
Amanda- I love your story it is super cool and really clever!! :) I think if you just write the story as if the mask-wearing people are normal, don't say anything about the masks then at the end give an instance where you introduce the mask idea. Maybe a flash back. One of the older charcters telling Alice of when another girl took off the mask and what happened to her 50 years ago, or something like that. :) Otherwise, super cool job!